It also dawned on me that my "inner-critic" has an agenda. He doesn't want to work. He is lazy and unmotivated and really doesn't want things to change very much. He likes it when I stuff my face with junk food and feel sorry for myself instead of being strong and motivated. "I can't do it" is music to his ears! He LIKES being in charge and doesn't want me to succeed and ultimately vito his suggestions. His sabbotage is designed to deflate my spirit and create a world for me of chronic apathy and self-pity. He is a massochist and enjoys emotional baggage and pain. In truth, I can't blame him for trying...that is the way things used to be, and no one likes change, even sub-conscious cynics.
On the other hand, there is my "inner-cheerleader" who has just recently decided that in order for me to succeed, she needs to speak up more, with enthusiasm and purpose. Her rah rah sis boom bah's have been a welcome change for me and have been driving me forward towards success. I like her! She really knows how to light a fire under me! In the past, she has quietly raised her pom pom's, with a "you can do it" smile on her face, but for some reason, I have doubted her abilties to really cheer me on. What if she was wrong about me? I just found it hard to really believe her motives. It was easier to believe the bad stuff I guess. But, she has patiently waited for her moment to take the field and call out her carefully crafted songs of encouragement and yelling above the cheers in the crowd "I believe in you!" And the really cool part is...her little diddy's are infectious and I find myself singing along! The more I listen to her, the more enthusiastic she gets! It is a good partnership, between she and I. We seem to be propelling each other forward and giving each other exactly what we need to succeed.
Of course, on occassion, that negative self talk slips in; usually during a moment when things aren't quite going as planned, and plant those seeds of self-doubt, hoping they will blossom into the vines that will choke out my spirit and ambition. There was a day when I would have carefully cultivated those seeds and nourished them with all my heart, believing I didn't have any choice.
Now I know better. I do have choices. I know that no matter what challenges are placed in my path, I know I have the solutions to overcome them.
So I simply shake my head and let those little seeds blow away in the wind.